I Won't Ever Give Up

So I'm supposed to be "taking it easy" for a little while to recuperate from the surgery... I don't want to take it easy... I just want to wake up from this nightmare and still have my baby growing in my belly... All I've ever wanted was a baby and I finally had one and it was taken away from me... I know I will have other children but I'm ready to be a mommy now... It hurts to think about being so close to having my wonderful bundle of joy and then all of a sudden its gone... So I talked to my husband for the first time since we seperated Friday night... I didn't notify him of the miscarriage because I was told I needed to wait until after he was finished his training... His mom ended up telling him though... He called me and was very upset... I didn't realize it would affect him the way that it did... I regret not sending him a Red Cross message as soon as I found out  but I was only taking the advice of others... I guess I was cut out to be an Army wife after all... Talking to him brought back a lot of emotions but I still haven't changed my mind... I still want a divorce... I think he realizes this now too... He and I was just not meant to be together... I think that if we would've only waited a few weeks to get married then we both would of realized this ourselves... Instead we went against everyone telling us to hold off and jumped into getting married... Steven is a great person and I hope that we will be able to be friends when all of this is over with... I want him to find someone that will treat him right and someone he is meant to be with... I'm doing the same... I'm moving on with my life... I have a wonderful boyfriend and he treats me better than anyone has ever treated me in a relationship... Some people say that I am moving on to fast but the way I see it is I'm not... I was only married to Steven for about a month in a half... I only knew him for about two months... That was not nearly enough time to have an attachment to him... Yes he was my husband but most everyone will agree that our marriage never should've happened... I was hoping that when we split that we could just get it anulled but everyone I talked to about it said that we had to have a divorce... Regardless I don't regret meeting him, I don't regret being with him, and I will never ever regret getting pregnant by him... It was all lessons learned and I will forever cherish the baby that we never got to meet... I don't know what's going to happen with my new relationship... I'm not trying to rush into anything like I did with Steven but I am very happy right now... I hope that Steven has found or will find a happiness like I have with Michael... I've known him for a couple years now and he's always been a great guy... I was just blind and didn't see him in a romantic sort of way... Then right after I found out from the doctor that it was likely I was going to miscarry he was there for me when no one else wasn't... It was only on Skype of course but regardless he was there for me and when I didn't think a smile would cross my face he kept one there... It's a long distance relationship but if everything works out, you never know... I  might just move to where he is... We'll cross that bridge when we come to it :)... He's like my light at the end of the tunnel <3... There is hope for me yet... I will never give up on anything... On love... On having children... On anything... I can't let the trials and tribulations of life bring me down... I won't ever give up!!!